Another sleepless night...

OK so whoever said that teenagers need around 8 hours of sleep a day is a liar, because if I NEEDED 8 hours of sleep and was deprived of it enough, wouldn't eventually I end up getting 8 hours of sleep due to exhaustion?
If you were to ask my parents, I sleep too much. And if I don't sleep then its my fault for staying up on the internet all night... which is halfway true. It's amazing the time you can waste on facebook when you can't do anything else. However for the past 3 months I don't think I've fallen asleep before 3 o' clock once. I think ever since the second week of co op I've pulled an all nighter every single thursday, sometimes fridays... its not fun. Now my parents have decided that I have to be ready for school before 9:00. Not unreasonable. But then I have to get up around 8 to get my shower, get ready, eat, ect. So by defualt I get 5 hours of sleep at most. Well that's how it should be, but usually I don't wake up to my alarm clock, sleep till ten, and awake to my parents screaming that I need to learn responsibility.... great way to start the day.
On the off chance I do fall asleep early, I never stay asleep. I tend to have really bad dreams, very realistic dreams. Really bad things that have, or almost, or could happen like to replay themsleves when I'm asleep. Good memories not so much. I hate sleeping, I'd rather stay awake all night and drug myself with coffee in the morning. Of course I can't do that all the time... but I've learned that if I get myself tired enough- I don't usually dream. Or maybe I do, but I can't remember them. Hence never falling asleep till 3 or 4 in the morning. I think the most common phrase I use around my friends is "I'm tired." Because I really am! But I'm afraid to sleep, it's silly but I'm scared of nightmares, they stress me out. Also when I have bad dreams, I still feel tired when I wake up, so why sleep if I don't get the benefits of it?
Either way I need sleep, I'm getting grumpier and grumpier by the minute. But I think now that I've gotten used to this sleeping pattern its gonna take awhile to break it.
Tomorrow is the weekend though, and I'm spending the entire time with miranda and some friends when we go camping... I can sleep when I'm around friends, no bad dreams then. :)

I'm in a stressed- whiny mood- so feel free to not read this...

Ok so It's been kinda busy lately with math classes and latin (in the summer) then tkd starting back up and runners camp just ended... its not too bad- i like doing things and keeping myself occupied.

But oh my gosh right now I really want a break!

I have nooo idea why I am so stressed, I mean of course theres the family stuff, some friends are having problems, but its not really too bad... and holy cow today I kinda snapped...
...at my mom.

Not good :/

Before I was saved I'd have random bursts of anger, I'd kinda walk around my room kicking at my walls and generally being stupid... usually after I had got in trouble or I felt like my mom was purposly annoying me... ha- i was an idiot.

I'm still an idiot I guess, just a more controled one.

Now I'm saved, I no longer see my family as evil beings out to destroy my life, i don't stomp around trying to bring down walls, I usually don't let anyone know if I'm sad or mad... not anymore.

And it's not me, God really does make a difference... he especially changed my temper, But today I through a fit :/

Over nothing...

Ok over abunch of stuff, but at the wrong people.. and right now i feel pretty bad... i mean there was no wall kicking- and i wasn't cursing at anyone but I was basically a jerk to everyone around me at the time...

And then I went for a walk.. a long... longgg walk. I was trying to block everything out, ya know? Trying to kinda forget about problems and such, and then I was trying to block God out... which was a fail. So then I was walking around having a convorsation with him- a really emotional one and I think I convinced half the people on that street I was psychotic cuz I'm walking around with some twisted expression muttering to myself... well not really to myself... but yeah.

I get back home, and my mom is mad... my brother gave me one of his "You just messed up now I'm so disappointing in you." and i was just like- screw you shut up.. not in the mood.

So I ate, worked on mirandas birthday present... did latin and math then went to bed.

Yeah but I couldn't sleep.....
Like I said- long venting post.

Uck- today was crappy... tomorrow will prob be better.... that is if I can get some sleep :/
Goodnight

Summers almost here :O

I think every single one of my classes are ending in at least 2 weeks.... wow.

I'm definitely ready for summer break but I like seeing everyone at my classes... and summer is always boring by the end of the break. This school year went really fast though- it was kinda nice :)
Now I'm trying to end with good grades since I usually get lazy towards the end of the year- im trying to get at least a B+ on all my subjects- except for math- I have no idea what my scores going to be for that :/

Anyways- after co op lindsay came over- which was sooo much fun. I don't hang out with lindsay enough... my dad was tired so she couldnt spend the night but it was still fun.

Uhh- then after she left my mom and sister decided to go rent some movies from red box. We got the brides maids (something like that) it was alright... funny at some parts I guess. Half the movie is them being jerks to each other which got boring- and I thought the end was kinda dumb- but it was still alright. :)

Then they started watching one of their cop shows (haha) so I went to my room... tried to finish breaking dawn. Fail. Haha- I got through a couple chapters then lost interest again.
Uhhh- I realized how beat up my hands and feet looked (testing i guess?) So I painted them and made them pretty... took me forever... haha.

Yeah and thats pretty much my day....yup.

Part two....

Not as bad as I thought. :)

First we started with bo staff- and I honestly never know what I'm doing when it comes to bo staff... I always feel bad for the people that teach me because it has to be frustrating.
Anyways- I'm seriously glad that Jacob decided to test this time cuz if he didn't I definitely would have failed. (not that i didn't.... but it would have been definite) It's not cuz I don't know it, I just don't know what everythings called so usually as soon as I see the first move I know what I'm supposed to do...

Then it was sparring....
oh. my. gosh.

That was crazy... there were five rounds, and three of them I sparred one person, the fourth round I spared two people and the fifth I sparred three people. Ughh- I was trying to pace myself so I didn't do lots on the first three round... I know realize that was basically the stupidest logic in the world...

The one on ones were the easiest and the ones I should've been... idk... impressivish on? Because by the time I got to the fourth round I was really tired and on the fifth round I really thought I was gonna faint.

It's kinda pathetic, we have it on tape. I'm just randomly throwing my leg up in the general direction of someone somewhere and their all beating on me... and then catching me from falling over... and then beating on me again xD
I fall a lot in sparring....
Haha there's this one time where I'm about to fall over- I was seriously dizzy then- and nathans like- it's ok, keep going, keep going, and he's balancing me... so I tried to kick him??

It's funny cuz it felt like I was going crazy at the time and throwing moves constantly, but on the video I'm basically taking everything... :/

I kinda wish I could do this whole testing over... I feel like I've messed up on everything in one way or another. I know if I did it again I could get a better score... but right now I really don't care if its the absolute minimum score possible... I just want my black belt.

Oh, and there was board breaks too. Those were fine, they were fun actually. :)
The one thing I was really worried about was the sidekick on two boards... and that was incredibly easy. The butterfly was also really easy- and probably my favorite. Which is funny cuz I hated it up till today.

Umm everything else was pretty easy.... I messed up on hammerfist the first try. Idk what I did, I think maybe I came down to close to the edge...? Possibly? The second time I broke it, but more with my arm. I got an impressive looking scratch on my hand now, and it was swelling for awhile xD
It didn't hurt though.

So yeah... testing is over... and I messed up really bad on it... but we'll see...
This is gonna be a really long weekend- lol.

... because sleeping is dumb

Ughhh- i wish tomorrow was thursday... i really just want to get testing over with. Plus I'm hoping if I fail she wont make me wait all weekend to find out... my mom said she would probably let someone know so that I didn't freak out as soon as I got graded at the award ceromony.

Pshh... and I'm gonna be getting a lower score on writing cuz I didn't do the work :/

Yeah- i usually procrastanate then do it the night before/day of- for writing anyways. Mainly cuz writing is sooo easy to me, especially creative writing, holy cow I love that stuff :D And in mrs. henrys writing class all I'm doing is taking notes... which is the type of stuff you can do while your watching tv and its really easy. I also like the process of research papers xD cuz when you finish one its kinda like finishing a long project, and when you turn it in everything looks all neat and pretty... lol

Im a dork when it comes to writing B)

Gosh- Im sooo tired right now but i can't sleep... grrr. Im also starving, but for some reason its really bad to go downstairs and eat when its past ur bedtime... our house rules are strange. It's always so wierd to be at a friends house and when your thirsty not have to worry about sneaking down there cuz their parents would be mad if they caught you with a cup of water.

Lord forbid you get thirsty at night...


Sorry- im a lil grumpy. haha. But my parents are wonderful, and dying of thirst is a small price to pay to satisfy them with my obedience. (watch this be the one post my mother doesnt read)

Mkay, well I'm gonna try to sleep now... ughh waking up at 7 :/

I really don't know how I'm gonna survive at public school when I'm gonna have to wake up at 6- 6:30 every day.
haha wont that be fun

Yeah- i knew it...

I'm gonna fail.

Seriously- this testing was the WORST! I felt like I was messing up on everything :/ My mom video taped it, and it didn't seem as bad on camera but I thought i was gonna cry when I was up there. The three big things I messed up on was green belt form (cuz I was going the wrong direction,) and then not knowing what moves to yell on for brown and red. *facepalm*

Really?

I studied those the whole time everyone else was doing there form, and I forget them as soon as I get up there??? I'm a stupid head. Oh and my stances have gotten really pathetic, did I get taller? I know they used to be deeper and I didn't have to think about it then...

Everyone else did really good though, bravo haha.

Because of my 15 minute blankingness, we still have board breaks, bo staff, sparring, verses, and terminology for thursday... Which is alright, I can use the practice- but I dont think Mrs. Stancil was very impressed...

On the bright side my made up self defense went alright, considering I made it up last night/this morning- and I didn't get very tired (standing around thinking of the moves you yell on gave everyone a break haha)

So maybe if I do really really really good on everything else- I'll pass... but even my own mother doesn't think so (lol) so I wont hold my breath. *sigh* looks like I'm getting my black belt with miranda and lindsay after all :)

Black Belt testing stress :/

Happy Mothers Day!

Ughh- black belt testing is on Tuesday and there's so much I wish I knew better! Basically I'm not ready (enough) for everything... except techniques which no one really worries about...

Where did all the time go? I've had my red tip for 6 months and yet still learned everything the 2 weeks before testing. I'm kinda annoyed at the timing, I got my red tip, then it was the tournament, then it was meet in the street. In between practicing for all of that I would've had the time to learn some of my red tip stuff- but it just didn't happen.

I still don't really know the Bo staff forms very well- but Miranda and Jeremy came over and helped a lot!!! We made up my demo... which I hope everyone will still remember come Tuesday. Anyways- Bo staff is usually the quickest/easiest thing since its not as- idk stressful...?

Then I have forms, which I was fine with until Thursday when Nathan was helping and we were doing white belt then he was like "that was good, now do it like a black belt."
what?
So then I did it again, and again, and now I'm freaking out that all of my forms aren't good enough for black belt. Everyone who has tested before me are all crazy good so how close do I have to get?

Idk why I'm suddenly freaking out over everything, cuz black belt never seemed really hard before (aside from sparring) Moderately hard- yes, nearly impossible- nooo.

Then theres sparring- ahhhh! I'm just planning on keeping myself from getting beat up.... :/

O and verses xD Every single time I always forget about verses till the day before. Well somehow this semester I wound up with around 15 new ones that I didn't recognize. Plus theres the foggy ones from the recent testing...
My mom was helping me with them and when she got to the last ones I didn't know... she was not impressed. She was getting more and more mad till finally she was like "You're gonna fail."

I took that wayyyyy to literally and started freaking out... (haha "started") Failing wouldn't be too bad... because then I wait, train, and test again with Savannah or Miranda... which is what I wanted to do in the first place. I guess I've hit my time limit though cuz Mrs. Stancil really wants me to test now.

I know after belt testing this post is gonna seem so dramatic xD

And I... _ A _ _ED

P-A-S-S-E-D! xD

So basically this was not the best testing which I knew cuz we had about a month and a half (i think) to do a 6 month term. Gahh that was crazy. Haha- idk if I'm going to do that for red tip. The last thing I want to hear after black belt testing is "You would've done better if you had more time," especially because that could be my last testing ever. :( :( :(
Depends if (assuming I pass black belt) first degree takes too long.
I got a 93% which is what I got last time, and the time before that, and then purple belt sucked so I try to forget that experience haha. But seriously w/o tkd and my friends from tkd I'm going to go insane!!! I am not looking forward to high school at all!
On the bright side I supposedly will have some of my friends from church at all the schools I might go too. (Unless I go to boot camp o_O hahaha- no)

Anyways, award ceromony was long. Everyone basically didn't do as well as last time, but I was just glad I passed- got it over with- probably not doing that again.
I'm kinda stuck because if I do the accelerated program w/ kelley then black belt testing will kill me and I wont do well. But since me, miranda, and lindsay are on different tracks then I would be testing alone. Which wouldn't be so bad if I had a higher rank to test with, but alone- noooo.

Crazy.

After the awards ceremony we went to the ice rank. We were going to go to "moes" (subway) but my mom overheard the albrights talking about how they were going straight there and assumed everyone was. So we got to the factory and no one was there. We were like... umm ok- im hungry.

I love the factory and I know they where busy but the service could've been better. I know I sound like a whiny elderly person but seriously- every single "lunch" food they had we had to wait around 10-15 minutes for them to cook. I was going to get a slice of pizza and they were like "it will take 30 minutes" Ok. I'll get fries. "It'll take 10." xD

W/e while it's cooking we waited for our skates, and they're were tons of employees not working the counter walking around, talking, ect. Idk if they were taking a break or something but waiting that long for skates? Then the person who got them was a little rude and it just wasn't a good day for them I guess.

But I didn't help by being so annoyed...

The skating was fun, fell 5 times. It was crazy- I thought I knew how to skate, guess not. Oh well. Dre was joking about killing me on the 6th- she almost didn't have too. xD


Then today my mom thought that my writing class was canceled so I was telling everyone that just to find out it wasn't... too late. So me and my mom went to subway :) Then math class was canceled so that was a nice break. Math confuses me- I literally get nothing when she says it in class. I have to go home and think about it over and over until it clicks and if it doesnt.. I don't get a good score on our math test. o_O

I'm flippin out about our midterm. Most of it multiple choice- which worked for me :D but I'm terrified at my score... D8

Especially since it's 1/3 of my final score... *whimper* and with my err... umm... not the *hang on your fridge* grades I got on my last two tests I need this- it will kill my average.

The difference between this and pre algebra is pre algebra I didn't have to think hard about, I got lazy and then didn't feel like turning in tests. o_O This year I'm working as hard as I can and I think I'm barely making a B- (ahhh) my parents dont like C's and for some reason I am "incredibly smart when it comes to math" uh huh- ya dont think I'm seeing that.

On the bright side for Mrs. Klines writing class I'm all A's *happy dance* haha considering I took this last year (And no I didn't flunk, but she didn't have a high school one this year so I just took it again) Mrs. Kirstie's class I have no idea. I joined late and now I'm caught up but I don't know some important stuff, like format of papers, vocab words, ect. That class is a litttle harder but I love how Mrs. Kirstie teaches. =) It's fun.

And since I'm talking about school... science w. Mr. Ramses is amazing. Mr. Ramses is probably the smartest person I know. And I love how he doesn't leave anyone in the dark- he keeps talking till you get it. Then he moves on. I just have to stop doing most of his work on the last day possible.

It's like the school days disappear. Mondays I have all day, tuesdays I have tkd and I usually like to stay a little late. But its like- wake up, eat, get ready, leave, come back tired, do one or too subjects till my bro's back from school and then I'm like- he's done, I'm done... FACEBOOK!


Eh... procrastination- not a good habit. But its better than last year... sooo

That's pretty much it, ha this was supposed to be a quick rant about tkd and thats it. Ah well, this works. :)